“Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to
put it into words is all that is necessary.”
— Margaret Cousins
There’s a quiet kind of leadership that doesn’t make headlines or come with bold declarations or sweeping strategies. Instead, it shows up in the way a leader sees someone, for who they are, not just for what they do.
This is the heart of appreciation. And when we look through the lens of virtues, we begin to see people more clearly.
Appreciation as a Mirror
Appreciation, in its most potent form, is not about flattery or high-fives. It’s about seeing who a person is and reflecting the qualities we see in them: their generosity, courage, patience, or thoughtfulness. These aren’t just behaviours; they are expressions of character.
When we name these virtues, we hold up a mirror. And in that reflection, people often see something they didn’t fully recognize in themselves.
The Virtues Project: A Universal Language of Character
This idea is beautifully captured in The Virtues Project, a global initiative founded in 1991 that names 52 virtues. The project draws from the wisdom of many cultures and traditions to offer a shared language of character that transcends belief systems. Its purpose is to help individuals and communities live more meaningful lives by recognizing and practicing the virtues that connect us all.
I’ve found this framework particularly helpful in leadership development as a way to bring intentionality to the way we see and name what’s good in others. It creates shared language, strengthens relationships, and helps us lead from a place of presence rather than performance.
Why Naming Virtues Matters
There’s a compelling reason to make appreciation, especially through the lens of virtues, a leadership habit. When we name a quality like resilience, creativity, or humility, we’re not just noticing it; we are nurturing it. Naming a virtue gives it weight, shape, and meaning. It signals, “This is who you are at your best. Keep bringing that.” Over time, these small acknowledgments not only convey that a person is seen, heard and valued; they help shape how they see themselves and how they choose to show up.
That’s the quiet power of appreciation: it doesn’t just affirm, it encourages more of it.
And in a world that often focuses on fixing what’s wrong, this kind of feedback shares what’s right. It shifts the focus from deficit to strength, from correction to connection.
A Story: When Appreciation Feels Out of Reach
Not long ago, I was coaching a senior leader (we’ll call him Jason) who shared that appreciation didn’t come naturally to him.
“I just don’t want it to feel fake,” he said. “I know it matters, but I struggle with saying it in a way that doesn’t sound scripted, forced or fake.”
I hear this more often than you’d think. For many leaders, especially those from cultures where feedback is typically given only to address a mistake, appreciation can feel like unfamiliar territory.
So, we took a step back. “What do you notice about your team when they’re at their best?” I asked.
He paused, then began describing moments: how one team member brings steadiness when everything feels chaotic; how another always volunteers first when someone needs help; how one colleague lifts the mood in meetings with humour and warmth.
“What if that’s your entry point?” I suggested. “You already notice these things. What if you tried naming them out loud?”
When we stop thinking of appreciation as performance and start seeing it as presence—being with someone and holding up a mirror to reflect their character— it often becomes easier and sounds more authentic.
Because once we shift from proving to perceiving, we start to notice what’s been there all along.
Virtue Spotting: A Leadership Practice
Imagine starting your day with this question: “What virtue might I notice in someone today?”
It could be the way someone adapts quickly when plans change (flexibility), the courage it takes for a team member to speak an unpopular truth (integrity), or the way someone includes a quieter voice in the conversation (respect).
When you name it, you’re not just giving feedback. You’re giving someone a deeper sense of identity. And when people feel seen for who they are, they are more connected and engaged.
A Note on Balance
It’s worth acknowledging what some leaders worry about: Can you overdo it?
The answer is yes and no. Appreciation given too generically or too frequently, without merit, can lose its impact. People begin to tune it out. It becomes background noise.
The key is intention and sincerity. Appreciation doesn’t need to be constant. It needs to be true. Specific. Grounded in what you genuinely see and value. And when you lead from that place, it never runs out. You’re drawing from a well that replenishes itself every time someone feels seen.
A Culture of Appreciation Starts with You
Building a practice of appreciation isn’t another task to do; it’s about choosing to lead with your eyes open to the good that’s already happening around you and naming it.
Because when you name what’s good, you invite more of it into the world.
What qualities do you most value in your team, and how often do you name them out loud?
What might shift in your culture if appreciation became a daily leadership habit?
Writer’s note: The topic of appreciation, which is about who you are, not what you do, has long been a personal and professional passion of mine. It was the focus of my 2024 TEDx Talk, and it’s the subject of my first book, which I’m in the thick of writing. What fascinates me is the paradox: appreciation is free, abundant, and renewable and yet it remains an untapped leadership resource. I’m exploring how meaningful appreciation creates the conditions for belonging, trust, and sustainable performance. This is my latest article. Want more? Read my article on How to Give and Receive Appreciation at Work.
