“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
~Maya Angelou
There’s a reason many leaders hold back when it comes to appreciation.
It carries weight.
Not because it’s complicated, but because it’s personal.
Appreciation speaks to who someone is. It reflects back qualities, character, and the way a person shows up. Recognition focuses on what someone does, an action, a result, a contribution. Both matter, but they have a different emotional impact.
Appreciation is relational. It reaches beyond performance and into identity. And that’s where things can feel less certain.
Why we hold back
We hesitate here because we worry about overstepping. We don’t want to get too personal, say the wrong thing, or land in a way that feels uncomfortable or inappropriate.
So, we pull back.
It can feel like a binary choice between saying nothing or risking that it lands the wrong way. So we remain silent or stay with what feels safer. The work, the outcomes, the measurable contributions, the more transactional side of leadership.
Yet between the two extremes, there’s a middle ground we rarely explore. One that doesn’t require overstepping, but invites us to notice and name something real in the person in front of us. Not overly personal, not purely transactional, just human.
What it feels like to be seen
Have you ever been deeply seen for who you are?
A moment where someone names something in you, a quality, a way of being, that feels true. It lands differently. It stays with you. It builds connection in a way that performance-based feedback alone rarely does.
What impact did that have on you?
That same experience is available to the people you lead.
It starts with noticing
Appreciation begins with noticing.
It asks us to pay attention to what is already present, the qualities, the ways of being, and the small moments that often go unnamed. Appreciation isn’t something we create. It’s something we notice and name.
It might sound like noticing how someone brings calm to a tense conversation, how they follow through in quiet, reliable ways, or how they make others feel included without drawing attention to it.
When we do that, something shifts. Connection deepens. Trust grows. People feel a stronger sense of belonging and a clearer understanding of the value they bring.
We also reinforce what matters. Research shows that 92 per cent of people are more likely to repeat a specific behaviour when it is highlighted. When we extend that to appreciation, when we name not just what someone did, but who they were in the process, we strengthen both the behaviour and the person behind it.
Moving Beyond Hesitation
And still, the hesitation remains.
The fear of getting it wrong often outweighs the reality of what happens when we get it right.
When we avoid appreciation altogether, we don’t stay neutral. We create distance. We miss the opportunity to strengthen trust, deepen connection, and reinforce the very qualities that help people and teams thrive.
Appreciation doesn’t require perfection. It requires presence, intention, and the willingness to see what’s good in a person and say it.
Where do you tend to land?
Do you hold back, or do you find a way in?
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This idea sits at the heart of my upcoming book, SEEN: The Power of Appreciation at Work, where I explore how appreciation shapes connection, trust, and performance in ways we often overlook. As I move toward a summer launch, I’m also sharing the thinking, questions, and experiences shaping the book in a smaller space called the SEEN Book Circle. If you’re interested in being close to the process, not just the outcome, and in witnessing how SEEN comes to life, you’re very welcome to join me. Sign up here.
