“You only lose what you cling to.”
— The Buddha
Let’s face it, some days, leading feels like wading through mud while everyone around you is flinging it. On the messier days, I turn to a few grounded practices drawn from Buddhist philosophy. They’ve shaped how I lead—and how I aspire to show up.
Now, to be clear: I haven’t shaved my head, given away my worldly possessions, or committed to a vow of silence (though some people in my life might welcome that). What I’m talking about is something quieter, more grounded: leading with presence, non-attachment, and just enough clarity to stop the spiral before it starts.
Connected, Not Attached
One of the teachings I often return to is this: Be connected, not attached.
It’s deceptively simple. Attachment is the craving for things to go a certain way. It’s the tight grip on being right, getting your recommendation accepted, or seeing your plans unfold perfectly. When that doesn’t happen (and it rarely does), we suffer and become frustrated, rigid, reactive.
Connection, by contrast, is an open hand. It’s about presence, curiosity, and engagement without gripping too tightly. You stay grounded in your intention but release the need to control the outcome. You recognize what’s yours to hold—and what isn’t.
Early in my career, as a Communications leader, I’d offer counsel to senior executives and feel genuinely frustrated when they didn’t take it. It felt personal, like they were rejecting me, not just my advice. That was attachment. Over time, I learned my job was to offer thoughtful, compelling counsel—and then step back. The decision was theirs. And my ability to stay calm in that moment became part of my leadership presence.
It’s not about bending people to your will. It’s about standing in your own.
The Lotus and the Leadership Mess
There’s a reason the lotus flower is such a powerful Buddhist symbol. It grows in muddy, murky water but rises above it—clean, steady, unshaken.
That image has stayed with me. The mud is the chaos, the resistance, the emotion. And as leaders, we don’t get to avoid it. But we also don’t need to become it. We can stay rooted and clear—engaged, yes, but not pulled under.
Connection means being in the room, but not swept up in the storm.
Check Your Ego: Are You LEading or Gripping
Let’s talk about ego—that voice in your head that says, “You have to win this. You can’t let that go. They need to see you’re right.”
In leadership, attachment often shows up as the need to steer outcomes or prove ourselves. It’s exhausting.
But the strongest leaders I know aren’t the loudest. They show up with intention, make their case, and trust others to make theirs. They hold clarity—without gripping for control.
Next time you feel your ego flaring: pause, breathe, and ask—
What am I gripping here? And what would it look like to open my hand?
Box Breathing: Your Secret Reset Button
Viktor E. Frankl reminds us:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
When emotions run high, our bodies follow—and we react. That’s why regulation matters, not just for your team, but for your own peace and presence.
Box breathing—a technique used by Navy SEALs—helps regulate your nervous system so you can respond, not react. And no one even has to know you’re doing it.
Box Breathing:
- Inhale for 4 counts
- Hold for 4 counts
- Exhale for 4 counts
- Hold for 4 counts
Repeat 3–4 times.
Try pairing it with this question:
What does this moment need from me—not my ego, not my fear, but the part of me that leads with calm and clarity?
Pain is Certain, Suffering is Optional
This Buddhist teaching reminds us that things won’t always go our way. You miss the promotion. You disagree with the decision. You lose the account.
That’s pain.
But suffering? That’s what happens when we ruminate, replay, or stew. It’s the story we tell ourselves that we failed, weren’t good enough, or should have done more.
Suffering is sticky—but it’s also optional.
Leaders can learn to acknowledge pain without becoming it. We can move forward instead of spiraling. That’s the work.
The Invitation to Take Action
Here’s where philosophy meets practice. If you’re ready to shift from reactivity to presence, and from gripping to grounded, here are three tools to start integrating:
- Check your grip. When you’re frustrated or reactive, ask: Am I attached, or connected?
- Use box breathing in stressful moments to restore calm and clarity.
- Lead like the lotus. Stay rooted in who you are, rise above the noise, and respond with intention.
These practices are quiet—but powerful. They won’t shout, but they will shape how others experience you.
And that’s leadership.
Reflection prompts:
What are you currently attached to that’s costing you clarity or calm?
How might your leadership shift if you stayed connected—but let go of the outcome?
