Navigating the Challenges of Leading Difficult Leaders
“You cannot control the behavior of others but you can always choose how you respond to it.”
~ Roy T. Bennett
As leaders, our responsibilities go beyond managing our teams—we also need to manage our bosses. This practice, called “managing up,” helps build a positive relationship with our boss. It’s not just about ensuring our success; it’s about fostering a productive work environment for our team, especially when faced with challenging bosses.
Why Managing Up Matters
A Harvard Business Review article highlights that employees who effectively manage up report higher job satisfaction and performance. Additionally, a Gallup study found that 70% of the variance in employee engagement can be attributed to the manager-employee relationship. By improving how you manage up, you not only enhance your experience but also inspire your team’s engagement and productivity.
The Reality Check: You Can’t Change Them, But You Can Change You
Many of my coaching conversations involving people interactions start with, “How can I get them to…?” At that point, I usually ask, “What aspects of your situation are within your control?”
By accepting that you can’t control or change anyone’s behavior, including your boss’s, you can start making real progress. What is in our control? How we show up, how we think, and how we react.
Managing up isn’t about manipulating or controlling your boss; it’s about fostering a constructive relationship that allows you to lead your team effectively.
Types of Difficult Bosses
Our role is to understand what drives these bosses so we can show up with empathy and adopt helpful strategies.
Micro-Manager Mayhem Boss
Dealing with a micro-manager can be frustrating. Micro-managers often stem from a place of insecurity or a lack of trust in their team. They may have experienced past failures that make them overly cautious or believe that their involvement is crucial to the success of every task. Understanding these factors can help you approach the situation with empathy.
The Delegation Dilemma Boss
Some bosses struggle to delegate because they fear losing control or lack trust in their team’s abilities. They may have a perfectionist streak, believing they are the only ones who can do the job correctly. This mindset can hinder team growth and efficiency. Recognizing that their reluctance to delegate often stems from a desire to maintain high standards can guide your approach to gaining their trust.
The Stuck-in-Decisions Boss
Indecisive bosses can create stress and confusion within a team. Their inability to make prompt decisions often results in delays and uncertainty. This indecision might come from a fear of making mistakes or a lack of confidence in their judgment. Understanding their hesitation can help you provide the support they need to make more informed decisions.
The Phantom Boss
An absentee boss can leave you feeling unsupported and isolated. This absence may result from them being overburdened with responsibilities, prioritizing other tasks, or lacking the skills to manage their time effectively. Understanding that their unavailability is often due to external pressures rather than a lack of interest in your work can help you develop strategies to compensate for their absence.
The “My Way or the Highway” Boss
A boss who doesn’t seem to listen or ask for input because they “know better” can stifle creativity and innovation. This style often comes from a place of wanting to maintain control and ensure outcomes align with their vision. Understanding that their behavior may stem from a fear of failure or a desire to assert authority can help you navigate these interactions with tact.
Five Practical Ways to Manage Up
1. Communicate Proactively and Clearly
Keep your boss informed about your progress and any potential issues. For a micromanager, provide regular updates to alleviate their need for control. Clear communication can also help an indecisive boss by giving them the information they need to make decisions more confidently.
2. Anticipate Needs and Be Prepared
Understand your boss’s priorities and anticipate their needs. If your boss doesn’t delegate, offer to take on specific tasks that align with their goals. Presenting solutions rather than problems can build trust and show that you are reliable.
3. Create Structured Check-Ins
Schedule regular meetings to ensure alignment and address any concerns. For an absentee boss, structured check-ins can provide much-needed communication opportunities. It also ensures that the “My Way or the Highway” boss feels involved without micromanaging every detail.
4. Build Trust Through Competence and Reliability
Consistently deliver high-quality work to build trust and credibility. This approach is particularly effective with micromanagers and bosses who don’t delegate. When they see that you can handle responsibilities competently, they are more likely to loosen their grip.
5. Provide Data and Options for Decision-Making
Help your boss make decisions by presenting data and possible options. This is especially useful for an indecisive boss. By framing decisions with clear, evidence-based options, you can reduce their anxiety and help them move forward more decisively.
What’s in your control?
In many cases, you may not get the trust, input, or decision you need from your leader. It will be up to you to figure it out. So, ask yourself, “What is in my control?” or “Where do I have agency?”
One of the most important actions you can take to move your team and the work forward is to develop your self-reliance and that of your team. You can do that in the following ways:
- Empower your team to make decisions within set boundaries and coach them to find their own solutions.
- Trust your experience and intuition to make decisions.
- Be the leader you wish you had by role-modeling inclusive and empathetic leadership.
Managing up isn’t about changing your boss. It’s about enhancing your leadership skills to create a positive and productive work environment for your team. By focusing on what you can control and adapting your approach, you can navigate the complexities of managing up confidently and gracefully.
In what situations do you find yourself frustrated with your boss’s management style, and how can you shift your approach?
What steps can you take to build a more trusting and productive relationship with your boss?
How can you empower your team to ensure their success, despite the challenges posed by your boss’s behavior?
